Who doesn’t want to be appraised? Of course, we all do! Very rarely do people appraise you or even if they do, we remember their abuses more than their praises. You can surely bribe someone to praise you and if they agree, you will probably be so elated that you wouldn’t want them to stop because of the ripples of the euphoria the applied adjectives would create in you.
Corporate appraisals are just the opposite. Although they are called appraisals, lethal attempts are made to belittle your achievements. Rather, your sins and crimes that you committed during the last year would be enlarged under a microscope to make you look like a veritable worm. Quite often, during the appraisal process, we feel like pulling the hairs of the appraisers or hitting them below the belt for their deliberate attempt to assault our self-esteem. Our survival instincts increase the secretion of unhappy hormones in our brains and our adrenal glands stop functioning during the session.
You come out of the room after the appraisal process, dejected and doomed with a strong urge to do something drastic. Alas! In the end, you must control all your toxic and pent-up emotions and pump in some artificial optimism in your psyche for survival reasons and continued commitments! You tell yourself “Be cool! Relax! Take it easy!”.
Laugh more : Laughing Through Appraisals: Unveiling the Paradox of Performance Appraisals
You come to your desk gasping your emotions in the ether consoling yourself and sink into your chair equating your income with the impending rise of expenses. You cling to the most intimate of your colleagues to vent your frustrations like the first whistle of a pressure cooker on full flame. You ask him to look for jobs as he empathizes with you like a master trying to calm down a restless dog. As the day passes by, your agitations and emotions ebb away. A year also passes by and again you are appraised only to remind you that blessed are the meek for there is the kingdom of heaven.
In theory, the performance appraisal process is looked upon as a productive interaction between the appraiser and the appraisee working in tandem to achieve optimum performance. In reality, the appraiser acts as an appointed broker of the authorities to apportion the salary increment budget within the number of employees. To meet their set targets, the appraisers literalize the achievements of employees to make them look like dwarfs and grant them the bare minimum of scores. In this, the appraisal process seems to be an ordeal that the management can’t avoid, and the employees can’t accept. In this tug-of-war of conflict of interests, it seems to be like finding a dead rat in your backyard and realizing the best solution is to fling it to your neighbor’s compound. Subsequently, your neighbor, disgusted by its obnoxious smell sends it back to you as if it falls under his human rights.
Leaving aside the theory, your manager’s real objective for the performance appraisal is to make you work like a medieval slave and obtain a signed confession of your sins against productivity. In doing so the appraiser could justify your low salary. In sharp contrast, the employee’s objective is to bilk as much unearned money as possible out of the life-sucking force, the employer.
But, don’t worry! Luckily, I am on your side. I hope my conception of performance appraisal was able to gain your confidence. In the next edition, I will attempt to teach you how to bulldoze your appraiser and fill your pockets with the money that rightfully belongs to you. You better not send these editions to your employer because if they get to know, it may backfire! Be optimistic! Good days are sure to come, and your pockets will be full of dough.
Food for more laughter: Corporate Humor: The Food for Soul in Your Workplace
That’s it for this edition! If you have any questions, you can write to me directly at comics@normanandozi.com. Keep in touch! Browse my posts and go through my corporate jokes and office cartoons to keep you healthy. Share my office jokes to keep the people around you happy! See Ya!
Chucklingly Yours,
Norman & Ozi
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